Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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