i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
