I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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