after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
