I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
