wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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