dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
