It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
