turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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