He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
