i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
