Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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