'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
