A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
