I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
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do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
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I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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