well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just pee around me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i am craving dick and cupcakes
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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