i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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