he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It was confusing and full of hummus
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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