She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
