Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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