lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
