So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i will never coherently bang her
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
