babies were throwing up all over the place
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
