"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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