listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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