The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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