Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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