My room smells like vodka and shame
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
