he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
