Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
