that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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