I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
