So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
