Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
