I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
