PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
