You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
