M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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