do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
