did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
