did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
