I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
