Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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