jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My ass is underappreciated
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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