We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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