I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize