I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
