i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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