Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
