You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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