I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
