id be glad to
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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