onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
