so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
