i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
