What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
