wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
