it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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