please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
