She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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