i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
