Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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