Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
