The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
