I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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