Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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