i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize