My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize