Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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