woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
