sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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