he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
