I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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