Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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