Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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