just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
