he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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