We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
