and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
