It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
